136… Three numbers I learnt to hate

So as you may of been wondering ‘why do I hate the numbers 136′ well it is a long story so Ill start from the beginning;

Thursday night a few friends and myself thought it be good to go out on the town and relax with a few other people we havnt seen for a year (as they’re at collage/uni ect)
So we all went out to be honest I wasn’t in the best of moods that day (mind was racing and was going from really down to really excited in a few moments to each other)

So we went to the club, I left early and started walking home while walking (bearing in mind I was now feeling preety down about things friends, family, and of course the whole how did I get to this point in life). I stopped at a bridge which crossed the m4, its a preety big bridge in teams of height, sooo I stayed on it, thinking, while I was doing this (thinking) a highways van pulled up and was watching me, later he left and returned on the opp side of the moterway, also a highways landrover turned up

The driver got out, used the steps and started chatting with me about things at this point a police car turned up and they (the police) started talking to me, I told them what was happening and why I was here (at the bridge) and then he put me under the mental health act section 136; so happy days well not but you know what I mean

So I got taken to sandlwood, and had a long chat with 2 workers about everything under the sun; feelings, friends, family and even prides : p we all sort of settled that me being gay was a couse of that nights actions because I bottle everything in, and also that I didn’t release and no one pointed out (friends) that I was going through a mania stage not a mancie one as the norm for me,

So vatta (a friend) was on msn trying to get me to tell my perents the whole gay thing which I’m not sure about telling them, she kept saying ‘not telling them will and is killing me’ to which I’m not sure,

So anyhows all my meds got changed I’m now on mirtazapine (anti despression, sleep, weight gain) and vallium (to calm me down) and countless others, have a list as long as my arm, also my bipolar is now classed as level one, which is news to me, sort of scares me a bit well a lot

Sorry for the long rambling post, on a lighter note I was allowed home at around 3 that day (all this happened at 2 in the morning onwards)

A new look at things….

Well the past few days have been reather eventful again, during a meeting with the local crisis team they told me that I have borderline bipoler, which they say would explain a few things and now have to wait for a blood test result on my lithim levels before I can start medction for it, also they’ve fainly taken action about my weight I’m now classed as under weight for my age and are keeping a eye on it with a food dairy for the next week.

Also during the meeting the talk come up again at hospltion if I get any worse or gave them concern that I might be a harm to myself or others, at that point my cpn brought up about my thinking space in the town center which was not good, so I had to agree that ill phone them stright away if I had anything or want a chat about things.

at the home front my perants seem to be skirting around the whole issue of things going on, I told them about the borderline bipoler and my 6month driving ban (dvla found out about my hosp stay and that I was well still am manic) all they said was ‘oh well’, so now when I get in one of my downers they leave it to me and not say anything,
Sooo happy days well not for me

A better week…well up and down

Sooo I’m still here after a eventful last week which saw me being admitted to hospital.

This past week since last friday has been alright but not with its dramas; the good points of the week being spreading time out with 3 friends at the pub, and going to oxford pride, also helping out with a event called oxjam which was raising money for oxjam. The bad things about the week was that I had lots of doc/cpn/hospital apptemts to go. The cpn appts did scare me a bit as she kept asking some rather probing questions about home and friends etc, also she found some things out about my thinking spot in town, and doesn’t like me being there as it could be a threat to my safety, so now I have to phone the crisis team 3 times a day without fail, there was also talk about going back into hosp but I mangered to perserd her that ill be ok at home, afterwards I thought about it more and afterall its for help,

What a week

Well this is my first post on wordpress, and not sure what to make of it as I norm use eblogger, sooo I start from the start; last tuesday I went to see my CPN and to pick up some tablets (Citalopram) from the crisis team, during this meeting as norm they were asking how I felt, I was honest with them and said I’ve been self harming, and having more thoughts on killing myself, they asked if I had any plans to do, so I told them on monday I stood on a carpark and looked down wondering how easy it be just to feel the wind in my hair and then the pain going away. The cpn who hasn’t my normal one, went to the doctor and then I got told I HAD to go to the hosp on my own choice or be detainted under the mental health act. So after many phone calls my very good friend vatta (not going to use her real name in case she doent like it being posted) came and saw me, and explained things and really just was there for me. Sooo in the end I was there for 10hrs before transport arrived for me and a other girl (she was nice and chatty, sort of a mother figcer) amd off to glouster I went.This hosp in glouster was very nice, in terms of the grounds and rooms, I had a great view of the smoking area :/ so I coundlt open the window….greatSooo during my time there I had 3 different people ask me things so I explained it all over again to them, they seemed happy I was no risk to myself at that moment of time but put me on 15min obs during the night in case I did do something app I’m some one who has self harm and trying to kill myself tenderences which they belive can be helped reduced by meds and talking about it, I got dischaged in the afternoon and was back at home by part of the letting me go, was that I HAVE to make contect with the crisis team twice a day and go to a&e if I have any thoughts or go to the crisis house, they also gave me some new tablets, so now I’m on Citalopram, Zopiclone and Diazapram, which is a good thing as the last one really calms me down to the point where I can’t act on anythingI’m really thankful for vatta on tuesday she was my rock on that day if it wasn’t for her ill be well you know… She also got me to tell my perents about it, which they took ok, asked why so I told them I’m depressed, stressed and just hell on one hell of a downer